Thoughts and Prayers

Thoughts and Prayers

 

Of the many things that tend to befuddle our European friends about Americans is our habit of greeting people with the phrase “How are you?”. For many, the greeting sounds a bit pro-forma, and they wonder if we are really sincere when we ask the question. They may have a point: social convention calls for the person to respond “fine” or “well” and when he or she doesn’t, we are taken a little aback. It takes a minute for us to collect ourselves as we realize we may actually be in for a conversation.

The greeting, of course, is born of an expression of genuine concern which, through repeated use, has become habitual for many of us. 

As has the phenomenon at work these days where, in the wake of tragedies, we offer the struggling our “thoughts and prayers.” Like politicians asking that “God bless America” at the end of their speeches, one gets the feeling that while the speaker is probably sincere, the declaration often comes across as formulaic.

I know people who sign off notes of good wishes with the expression “thoughts and prayers,”  earnestly thinking about and consciously entrusting others to God’s care. But if I’m honest, I have to admit that at times my promises and assurances of "thoughts and prayers”—sincerely offered in the moment—have been quickly forgotten.

I suspect I’m not alone in this. We have so many conversations and hear so much from so many individuals that the sheer volume of the information people share with us makes it difficult to process. Nonetheless, when those around us are in pain, fearful, or frustrated, we feel compelled to do something. That compulsion is among the most noble aspects of our natures.

Within our Catholic Christian faith, “doing something” often involves prayer.

Praying for each other has been part of Christian life from the beginning. St. Paul, writing to his disciple, Timothy, asked “that supplications, prayers, petitions, and thanksgivings be offered for everyone…”(1 Tim 2:1). To the Ephesians he exhorted “with all prayer and supplication, pray at every opportunity in the Spirit. To that end, be watchful with all perseverance and supplication for all the holy ones.” (Eph 6:18).

As I have shared before in these pages, I truly believe that we can face any difficulty—no matter how ominous—so long as we know that we do not have to face that adversity alone. In praying for and with people, by invoking the Holy Spirit Who unites us (Eph. 4: 2-6), we join with those members of the Mystical Body who are ailing, and like Simon of Cyrene, we can help them carry their crosses.

So what might authentically holding others in our “thoughts and prayers” look like? How might we better hold to our assurances? The example of some important people in my life has helped me. 

Bishop A. James Quinn ’50, preaching at a Mass of the Holy Spirit a few years ago, noted how he had a list of all the people for whom he had promised to pray in the front of his Liturgy of the Hours. As people asked him for prayers or when he would offer them to others as they shared their difficulties, he would add them to the list. As time went on, as people passed away, or as difficulties were resolved, he would erase names from his list and replace them. Of course, over time, it took longer and longer to get through his prayer, but in a profound way, that was the point. Taking the extended time (beyond that called for in praying the Hours) to remember all of the people with whom he had come into contact was a sacrifice—an act of love—that could be offered on their behalf. It may have been a relatively small sacrifice, but it was a sacrifice nonetheless.

Former campus minister, Tim Donovan shared with our students how he dedicated each of the five decades of the rosary to each of his children. In praying his rosary, Tim linked himself to the prayers of the universal Church, joining his intentions to those throughout the world—and throughout time. Moreover, he is in the habit of remembering his family in those moments, both asking God’s help for them and offering thanks for favors granted.

Some years ago, the Kurtz family gifted the soccer coaches prayer boards where we write down the names of those who are grieving, sick, pregnant, looking for work, etc. The board I received and hung in the hall by our bedrooms serves as a reminder that others have a claim on my family and me; that we are bound together and need each other. 

Especially to bring each other’s needs to the Lord.

There are other ways to hold people in prayer, of course, but these have worked for me. Keeping a list and praying through it once a week or so has been especially helpful. There is a Jewish understanding, I’m told, that when one calls to mind a person or event in prayer, one is mystically connected to them. I feel it. At times, remembering folks in prayer has prompted me to reach out to them, even to simply let them know—often days or weeks (or longer) after my promises—that they are, in fact, being remembered.

Held in my thoughts and prayers.

A.M.D.G. / B.V.M.H.