Of the many things to admire about Spanish speaking cultures, one of my favorite is the language people use to say farewell to each other. Bidding “Vaya con Dios” (“Go with God”) and “Adios” (“To God”) has always struck me as a beautiful to not only say “Goodbye,” but also–as one entrusts her or his companion to the care of the Lord–as a subtle, but nonetheless wonderful way to say “I love you.”
This past weekend, beloved Spanish teacher and coach, Nick Restifo Hon.’19, went back to the Lord. As the school community rebounds from the shock and pain of his loss, we have been saying goodbye to one of the icons of Saint Ignatius in the way the Ignatius family always does: in mutual support, in remembering, and in prayer. It is right and fitting that we do, especially as we grieve NIck.
He was a master of them all.
Coach Lou Holtz once observed that the key to recognizing the quality of one’s character is to be able to answer “yes” to the question, “Can people count on me?” Nick Restifo, as a teacher, a coach, a friend, and a father selflessly and consistently answered “yes” when people were in need.
A gifted teacher, Nick paid his students the highest compliment: he never let them settle for anything less than their best effort. He was tough and demanding, as his students will attest, but he was also always available to help. He made it a point to know about his boys as more than students–he knew the ones who had learning difficulties, those who had struggles at home, and those who had the lead in the play or who got into the colleges of their first choice. Boys need men in their lives, even beyond their dads, to help them grow into men. Nick took that role seriously. It was a role that he took with him to the athletic field.
Nick was a key part of the legendary coaching staff of Chico Kyle '69 as they won their 11 state football titles. Though he was a master at the Xs and Os of the game (his offensive playbook would be the envy of many college programs), like all truly great coaches, his primary focus was in forming young people. He taught his boys the lessons of hard work, self-sacrifice, dedication, and faith that helped them to better become the men for others we hope all Ignatius men will be. It should come as no surprise then that when the Pantek family helped finance improvements to some athletic facilities, they asked that part–the Restifo Commons–be dedicated to this builder of men. The Greeks espoused the ideal of a “sound mind and a strong body.” Nick Restifo helped hundreds of young men achieve that.
A father figure to the thousands of young men whose lives he touched in his 44 years at Saint Ignatius, his greatest joy was in being dad to his daughter, Gracie. I can remember when my girls were born–around the same time as Gracie–turning to Nick and asking (I have a host of brothers and no sisters, mind you) “What the hell do you do with daughters?” He answered me in his trademark direct way “love them.” And love Gracie he did–helping her grow into a confident, beautiful, loving young woman with whom he loved spending time and about whom he loved to brag.
For years Nick and I served together as department chairs. I can remember many meetings where Nick served as “loyal opposition” in discussions about policy and the direction of our school. Nick had a way of disagreeing that was clear and tough–but never personal–because deep down Nick wanted what was best for the people he loved, and many of those people were part of the Saint Ignatius community.
Nick was just…fun. For years there was a group of us who would go out for Taco Tuesday to a local establishment and, over beers and soft tacos, tell stories about growing up, our families, and our (mis)adventures. Here Nick shined and held court with us all. With his infectious smile and animated speaking, he made us laugh—as he always did—and brought us joy.
Proudly Italian, Nick was nonetheless a card-carrying member of the East Side Irish American Club and a semi-regular at Muldoon’s Saloon, out-“Irishing” the Irish. He was a crooner too, able to belt out “Mack the Knife” in a way that would make Bobby Darin jealous. It was not hard to imagine Nick on stage in Vegas–bow tie undone, bourbon in hand–singing with Dean, Sammy, and Frank.
I'm not kidding.
His joie de vivre sprang from his deep faith in God. He saw the Lord in the people he met and the events of his life. One of my favorite scenes from the TV show “Everybody Loves Raymond” involved character Ray Barone's wife asking him if he considered himself Catholic.
“Yeah I'm Catholic,” he said, "Being Catholic is like being Italian…or sexy.”
I’ll not comment on the “sexy” part, but I will say that for Nick, being Catholic was like being Italian: it wasn't something he did, it's who he was. The very last things Nick shared with me before he died were first, a video short about the Catholic Church, and second, a reminder to “say [my] rosary” as I was walking around the track in Murphy Gym.
Nick read his Bible. He faithfully received Jesus in the Eucharist at Holy Rosary Parish each week. A bit of an iconoclast, he loved the series “The Chosen,” I suspect as much for the occasional portrayal of Jesus as a smart-aleck with His friends as anything else. No doubt he could also identify with how Jesus worked tirelessly–and thanklessly at times–to form the young people who were his disciples. “Disciple,” of course, comes from the Latin, discipulus, “student” and I suspect that deep down Nick related to the Lord in this way.
The great Mike Pennock '64 always defined a Christian as “a friend of Jesus,” and if Mike were right then Nick was a great Christian. This past weekend Nick Restifo went home to his dearest friend and so we commend and bid this man: this teacher, this coach, this father, this friend,
Adios.
To God.
A.M.D.G. / B.V.M.H.